I had a lovely phone call with a dear friend of mine this week. You are probably less than impressed that something like this is even worth mentioning! But let me explain this heroic feat.
My friend called me two weeks ago. I missed her call, and she missed mine when I returned it a few hours later. We left for vacation the following week, but I again missed her call when I got back. Because I know that it is always a quality conversation, I didn’t want to call her back when I knew I would be constantly interrupted, so I waited until I thought I had everyone entertained.
I went out onto my front porch and cracked open a LaCroix. I was just picking up the phone when my oldest son appeared out of nowhere and plopped down next to me. He was in an unusually chatty mood, so I put the phone down and we talked. From there, life happened.
My two-year-old needed a snack, my four-year-old made me ooh and ahh at her latest drawing, and my second-oldest son came running to inform me that we were completely out of pig feed and needed to run to town. By then the baby was awake anyway and I needed to get started on supper prep because we had to get out the door in time for soccer practice.
I made a few other attempts at making time to call her back, but all of them ended like this one.
I decided that I needed to get serious about this, and sent her a text asking if I could call her at 1pm the following afternoon. She agreed, and although my plan to have the baby sleeping didn’t happen, I put Paw Patrol on for the other little ones and informed my older kids well in advance that I had a phone call to make and finally sat down to a nice hour-long phone call.
That is why it was necessary to inform you that I called a friend this week. It’s interesting, now that I think about it. There was a time in my life when I would have had all the time in the world to make that phone call and would have dropped everything to make it happen. The problem was, in that season of my life, there was no one to call.
Adam and I got married when he was only 19 and I was 20. I was the first one in my family to get married, and by far the first of all of my friends. I was nursing a tiny baby while my friends were still busy partying at college.
My parents were the only ones supportive of us getting married so young and starting a family just 9 months later. When mom passed away unexpectedly 10 days before I gave birth to my oldest, I was completely devastated.
I was navigating life with a newborn without any support system whatsoever, now that my mom, my biggest cheerleader was gone.
I was so lonely.
Eventually, my heart started to heal, and I opened it up to let people in again. It took a few years, but I found a small community of young moms that helped encourage me and support me in my vocation.
A few years after that, I became passionate about making connections and started having monthly rosary parties at my house. I used it as a way to introduce fellow Catholics with other like-minded people. I then saw a need for young moms who may have moved away from families, or who had a husband who worked out of town, like mine did at that time, and wanted to create a community for them. So, I started a mom’s group at my church. My husband did likewise and started an amazing men’s bible study!
But as my family grew, and eventually moved away from these amazing people, my “community” started to change. I no longer had the ability to host monthly parties or mom’s groups in my new parish.
At first, I panicked when I reflected on my community! I don’t have any close friends at the moment. I talk to 3 people almost daily on the phone: my husband, one of my sisters, and my mother-in-law who lives on the farm with us. I rarely talk to anyone else on the phone, and if I do it’s now scheduled as I highlighted above!
The only logical question here is, am I a total loser?
Probably.
Before you worry too much about me, let me explain a bit. I genuinely LOVE people! My kids will joke that we can’t go anywhere without Mom running into a friend and talking forever. I consider anybody that I have ever met to be a friend. The regular cashier at Aldi is my gal. The mom from the opposing soccer team, the family I met on the beach, the friend of a friend I met that one time, etc. anyone and everyone. I am every introvert's worst nightmare!
I talk to a lot of people over the course of a week thanks to the rigorous sports, activities, errands, and appointment schedule that I have as a mom of 8, and I have many fascinating conversations, but I can’t say that I am close to any of them.
My community has once again evolved. I have a few close friends that I will see a few times a year. These low-maintenance friends always offer me life-giving conversations and so much joy on the rare occasions that our paths cross.
So then, where is my community? Who are the ones who breathe life into me? I already mentioned the core 3, but upon further reflection, there are many more!
I believe that I have the most incredible community around me during this season of my life. Some of them are tall like their dad, while others get their height from me. Some have their grandpa’s piercing blue eyes, while others inherited my green ones. Some are sanguine, while others are melancholic. They are all unique, and their perspective on life challenge and inspire mine.
My 8 kids keep me in conversation all day long with discussions of the cute toad someone found in the sandbox, the picture someone drew and needed me to admire, and repetitive discourses on what we like more, bobcats or tractors. We talk of missed soccer goals, gymnastics skills mastered, annoying roosters, and the current size of someone’s 4-H turkey. Just this morning we were “remembering the Alamo!,” and moments later visiting about a new fishing lure.
I’m sharing this because there is no right or wrong way to have a community. Your community might look like going out for drinks with friends after work, heading to the local mom’s group, having a family movie night, or sipping coffee at 6 am with the retired community at the town diner.
Regardless of what your community looks like, it’s important to ask yourself, “Is my community cheering me on, encouraging me to be the best version of myself? Are they calling me to a life of greater holiness and joy?”
If they are, awesome!!! You have an amazing team loving on you.
But if you answer that question in the negative, bring it to prayer. Ask the Lord to help you to find meaningful connections. Ask Him to guide you and to give you the courage to take the leap of faith you may need to follow the prompting that he is asking of you.
Come Holy Spirit, Come Holy Spirit, Come Holy Spirit!
Dear Jesus, my heart is lonely and yearns for companionship. Help me to be courageous enough to root out relationships that leave me troubled and broken, and guide me toward souls who can love me enough to walk with me and bring me hope and joy. It is through this community that I will learn to love as You love. It will serve as a sanctuary here on earth, to encourage, uplift and pray for me. I ask you to bless my community and protect them from the influence of the evil one. Thank you Jesus for your goodness and faithfulness, and for the precious gift of friendship.
Until next time, your sister in Christ,
Leah
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