I will Give You Rest: Lenten Reflection with Matthew 11:28-29

The day before Ash Wednesday I journaled about my perfect Lenten plan. I was going to push through, no matter how hard, with my penances and receive a big ol’ pat on the back Easter morning. I was ready to achieve sanctification the only way I knew how, through working hard. After I boasted about my plan I  concluded with “Lord, this is my plan for Lent….what is your plan?” 

His plan was to give me rest. The exact opposite of what I had in mind!

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”  -Matthew 11:28-29

Rest is something I have desperately needed for a long time. On the quest for authentic rest, I often find myself slipping back into a busy and fast-paced lifestyle. I have been on the cusp of burnout for so long! The fatigue was stemming from deep within. A place of disordered thinking and beliefs on who I had to be.

Let me share with you a handful of lamentations I found within the pages of my prayer journal over the last few months.

Am I setting unrealistic expectations? I desire quiet and peace. Why is it so hard for me to achieve? Why do I feel so chaotic? Lord, I am here. I need you in this battle against self-reliance towards God-reliance. 

My Lord, I am feeling this big call to cut back. I feel this call to do less and focus on the present moment. You are at work in the stillness. You are at work when we are at peace and resting. Lord, give me the grace to live in the stillness and quiet. 

Lord, I feel crippled by my to do list. Do I need to feel this stressed about cleaning my house? Who am I cleaning for? Lord, I am taking you with me as I cross things off my to- do list today. Come, Lord. Bring me your peace! 

Lord, why do I feel so unsettled? Come now and center my heart and mind. Be with me! Show me how to let go of things and be content to find leisure throughout the day. I really feel like from sunup to sun down I am pushing from one activity to the next-merely surviving.

Lord, Here I am. I feel this huge pull to slow down. And so, I give to you my to-do list. I give you all the things I think I need to do and ask you to purify my day so I am truly focused on all that is important- You, my family, and being fully present

I do my best to be perfect. I do my best to have it all together. Lord you are not asking me to and you don't expect me to. Can you reveal to me the truth? Can you set me free from this lie? 

Wouldn't you agree that my desire for rest was quite obvious? The road to get there? Not so obvious. I like being the person who ‘has it all together,’ but let’s be honest… I don’t. I needed to somehow rest from the unrealistic expectations I had set for myself.

I was sharing my quest for rest with my sister. She brought me back to Matthew's Gospel, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29).

Our conversation left me pondering what burdens I have picked up that I was never actually meant to carry. After much prayer and reflection, I was finally able to name the crippling expectations I placed upon myself. I received so much freedom when I gave the Lord permission to speak truth into those places. He showed me…

-It’s okay to have dishes in the sink

-It’s okay if there are toddler fingerprints on the deck glass door

-It’s okay to do one thing at a time such as nurse the baby without needing to answer emails or place an online grocery order

-It’s okay if you don’t text/call that person back immediately 

-It’s okay to read a book instead of folding laundry while the kids nap

-It’s  okay to go for a walk instead of spending the morning cleaning for moms group the next day 

This list is just a fraction of all that I was clinging to. But it's time to release my burdens into the hands of Christ. It's time to allow Him to exchange these chains for freedom.

I write these words to you with a boldness, knowing that if just one person reads my Lenten testimony, I am not alone on this journey to freedom. By naming and sharing with you the conviction of my heart, I am no longer giving perfectionism, control, pride, and self-reliance power over me. Jesus died so that I may have life, and I'm ready for my life to be filled with abundance and rest.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." -John 10:10

As always, I am praying for you. Thank you for being here!

Until next time, your sister in Christ,

Abby