Sometimes when my husband Adam and I are out and about, we can be walking together, but our minds will be a million miles apart. I may be worried about how I forgot to take meat out of the freezer for lunch, and how that affects my meal plan, and his mind will meander down tragedy lane. He will strategize about how to handle a potential shooter. How is he going to successfully protect his family, while also taking down the intruder? Where is the most efficient exit? Who can he enlist to help tackle the “bad guy?” And so on.
Our differences don’t stop there. My idea of a perfect vacation is lying on the beach for hours, listening to the sound of the ocean and watching my little ones splash in the waves. His idea is to wake up early and go deep sea fishing, then go on a 10-mile hike, then find a mini golf course to master, then he wants to end the day in a fun restaurant he found uptown.
Adam is a math wiz… I ask my 9-year-old to do basic mental math for me.
I have more books than our local library and he has read less than a handful of them.
He can fix or build anything he sets his mind to… I changed a lightbulb once! But I can fix up a good home-cooked meal.
When I complained that my end of the treadmill was too heavy to carry up the stairs, Adam picked up the ENTIRE thing and carried it up himself. He is much stronger than I am!
He does most of the physical labor in our family and I do most of the administrative labor.
My dear husband and I are opposite in many ways. We have different preferences about our favorite foods, pastimes, vacation styles, hobbies, interests, strengths, skills, etc. Some of these things are just partialities, while others are likely the product of our gender.
These past few weeks on our blog, we have spent some time diving into the “Feminine Genius.” We have highlighted some of the gifts that women have that make them influential to the people around them.
Pope St. John Paul II taught extensively on the role of women in the church and can be credited for the term feminine genius. But Cardinal Ratzinger (before he became Pope Benedict XVI) will assert that these feminine values are human values. The human condition of man and woman created in the image of God is one and indivisible. It is only because women are more immediately attuned to these values that they are the reminder and privileged sign of such values.
I think this teaching is helpful when talking about gender roles. I have a daughter who plans to take over our home farm, and have a son that can outcook and outbake me any day of the week! But I also think it is outrageous to not acknowledge that my 10-month-old son is obsessed with tractors and trucks and that my 4-year-old daughter is a little mother hen.
Dr. Phillip Mango has a fresh perspective on this. Let’s visit Pope St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body for a moment. He taught that the body, and the body alone makes visible the invisible. It is why Adam knew by looking at Eve, that she was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. He didn’t have to be told; there was biological evidence.
According to Mango, women, as feminine, are made to actively receive the other, and men, as masculine, are made to actively initiate love and use their strength to protect and promote that love. Men imitate the love of God the Father in the bible. He actively initiates love over and over again with His Chosen People and Son, Jesus. He uses His power to protect and promote that love, even in the face of destruction, exile, and even death.
Men of God are then called upon to initiate heroic acts of love and service in all relationships around them, not just to their wives and children.
The “genius,” whether feminine or masculine, refers to the qualities that come more naturally to each based on their biology. For women, the feminine genius is their receptivity, sensitivity, generosity, and maternity. For men, the masculine genius is their initiation of love (self-giving) and their strength to promote and protect that love.
I love that my husband and I are so different! We as Christians are called to become the best versions of ourselves, and it is so much easier to do when you have an amazing partner who inspires you. I get to see him model out virtues that I can then imitate myself, and vice versa. He encourages me to grow when he invites me to go on an adventure with him, and I encourage him to grow when I teach him the art of slowing down to rest.
I get to love him through the strengths of my feminine genius, and he loves me through the strengths of his masculine genius, and both of our strengths glorify God.
Sexual difference is a beauty to be contemplated not a riddle to be solved. Thank you, Jesus, for this profound gift!
Until next time, your sister in Christ,
Leah
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